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The haters won: Desiree Rogers to leave the White House

Written by Danielle Belton
Monday, 01 March 2010 00:00

By now you probably know that everybody's favorite Zulu Queen, White House Social Secy. Desiree Rogers has announced that she's leaving her post. It might have had something to do with those famewhores who crashed a party and made everyone miserable for weeks. While I'm sure Desiree will be all delicate, graceful and classy about her exit three months after those famewhores ruined EVERYTHING, I don't have to be.

Boooo! Hissss! The HATERZ won!

As long-time readers know, I love Desiree Rogers. I love all Michelle's homies who rolled into D.C. wanting to set the world on fire in three inch heels. I think they're AWESOME. Look at this woman! Just look at her! She is fierce. Yeah, folks complained with there "Just WHO does that woman think she is?" She knows who she is! She's mutha frakkin' Desiree Rogers! The men all PAUSE when she walks into a room!

Folks complained that you didn't know who the Bushes' social secretary was or who the Clintons' social secretary was, but they probably weren't fierce so who cares? Nobody wanted to know who they were because they weren't interesting. Desiree cannot HELP that she is so fascinating that people are fascinated by her. My girl Dezzie just rolls out of a feather bed of opulent ridiculousness and strolls through life on a pair of Sparkle Ponies called "Brains" and "Sex Appeal." That's just her EVERYDAY. Yeah, you're looking at it and you're checking it out. She can't help she's a star and you just want to gaze upon her! Stars are supposed to shine like that!

So you wanted her to be humble and beg you to love her? I'm sorry. Zulu Queens don't DO that. They don't beg. They don't cry. They don't ask for permission. They don't play nice. They see something they like and they just take it and you hate them for it while secretly wishing you could just take it too. Gosh darn it, people! She can't help it that she blinks whimsy and coughs out lavishness when most people are lucky if they just cough up phlegm! So what if she farts Chopin and shits rainbows? Get over it! You'll be OK once you accept that you're a boring hot mess compared to her radiancy, Maureen Dowd.

Desiree, on the behalf of mere mortals everywhere I just want to say I'm sorry that the world could not handle such an incredible magnitude of New Orleans-by-the-way-of-Chitown black girl savvy. (Don't slap her, because she's NOT in the mood.) And I'm sorry that the awesome was so great that folks had to get all pearl clutchy and go "That WOMAN is TOUCHING our THINGS!" about you being in the White House. And I don't care what anyone has to say about Party Crasher-gate and how you think she was supposed to man the door because you thought she thought she was too good for that shit. Well, since I'm not classy and I don't give a rat's patootie I can just say "screw you." Folks just mad because you can't kick Michelle Obama out the house, so you'll just break out the long-knives on her long-time friend and associate and get all junior high on it. Fine. Are you happy now! She's leaving and taking all her fabulousness with her. Thanks, world! Thanks a lot! Watch the next social secretary be some boring hump who never says anything worth quoting and doesn't know her Kors from her Balenciaga. Yeah, you'll have your parties and they'll be blandly OK and maybe no famewhores will crash (if they're lucky). But you won't have Desiree Rogers to kick around anymore!

Team Desiree 4-Ever, haterzzzzzz!

Danielle Belton is a writer and freelancer whose works have appeared in The Huffington Post, The American Prospect and Essence Online. She is the author of the blog: http://blacksnob.com/